Lesson 5 - I Know What Your Going Through

Once again I find myself doing what all students seem to excel at, procrastinating. It truly is wonderful but so stressful at the same time. In my battle against school work and studying last night I found myself writing Christmas cards to all my residents. If you wonder who these residents are, well When I say I work with students, I really do. I am currently the Head Resident Assistant at King's University College at the University of Western Ontario. Essentially I am the student staff who is the RA for the other 16 RA's here but also my floor of 25 first year girls. If you are wondering what an RA does well its too much to explain, but my one resident last year explained it the best; I am the floor mom. Back to my original point. I was writing these 25 Christmas cards (not all were Christmas yay for diversity) and as I was writing each little message I noticed I was writing "Have a wonderful time celebrating with family and friends". It made me think about the resident I have this year that have lost her uncle and the other two who lost their grandmothers in the past 2 months. I began to wonder what their holidays would be like without those loved ones. This is when I happened to look up at my bookcase and notice perhaps my most cherished possession.

This possession is the duel framed poem and picture that my mommy framed and gave me for Christmas last year. The significance of this is that it is a photo of my Nana and I, and the poem I wrote and read at her funeral. My Nana, who died August 5th 2008 has been gone just over a year and it continues to be terribly hard to believe. Last Christmas was the first one without her. I remember the mood all too well; it was an odd, somber, almost guilty mood. Guilty in the sense that we were still celebrating without her. Guilty in the sense that we were laughing without her. Guilty in the sense that by celebrating we were in a way ignoring the fact that she wasn't with us; but we all knew that everyone else was thinking of her, and thinking how much she would love all of this and how much she did love this.

I guess that it is something similar to this that my three residents would experience this holiday season. But I started to think that it is impossible to ever say "I know what you are going through". You never really know what someone is going through because each person handles things, grieves, and perceives things differently. As much as you think you know what someone is going through, you never will and you will never understand. It is something so impossibly personal and individual. No one knows how hard I sobbed when I went to bed Christmas eve last year, how I sat beside the tree when I was supposed to be getting ready just staring at my Nana's old ornaments from her tree that were now on mine, how much I missed her.

That being said, don't shy away away from sending comfort to those that have lost a loved one, by all means, we really need it. Just think about what you say to them, do you really know just what they are going through?

Lessons Learned
-You can NEVER really know what someone is going through
-Give comfort, give laughs, and most of all give love
-Don't ever feel guilty about celebrating without a loved one, they are still there celebrating with you

My Nana and I on Christmas